Gisele Fetterman said that ‘every single day is a heartbreak’ as she’s watched President Donald Trump implement his promised mass deportation plan.
The wife of Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman is opening up about her unexpected journey from undocumented immigrant to prominent political spouse in her new book, Radical Tenderness: The Value of Vulnerability in an Often Unkind World.
Fetterman was born in Brazil and arrived in the U.S. at age 7 on a tourist visa, which she and her mother overstayed, both becoming undocumented immigrants.
She detailed her family’s story on the pages of her book and talked about how it has formed her current political opinions in a recent interview with Philadelphia’s WHYY.
Those stances are seemingly at odds with her husband, who has received recent praise from Trump for supporting ICE agents as his administration ramps up the deportations.
She said that immigrants ‘contribute so much to society’ – pointing out how they kept businesses open during the COVID-19 pandemic and picked the food Americans eat every day.
‘But not only that, like they’re just humans, and that’s enough, right?’ she said to WHYY. ‘I think contributing is great, but just wanting a better life for your family is enough.’
She said she made that pitch directly to Trump, when she and John Fetterman met with the president-elect at Mar-a-Lago a week before his swearing-in.
Gisele Fetterman, photographed at an Elle event held during White House Correspondents’ Dinner weekend in 2023, is out with a new book that details growing up as an undocumented immigrant and some of the stereotypes that followed her even after becoming a citizen
Fetterman said she wanted to tell Trump her story and advocate for undocumented immigrants who came to the U.S. as children, called Dreamers, ‘not to be naive to think I’m going to change his mind, but I should at least try.’
She said she told Trump about ‘the contributions of Dreamers,’ that they were ‘not numbers’ but ‘real people.’
What she heard from Trump then surprised her – as it hasn’t been reflected in his policies over the past six months.
‘And in that meeting, about Dreamers, he said he agrees,’ she revealed. ‘He said that Dreamers are American. He said many of them don’t even speak their native language.’
Reflecting on the conversation this month, she said, ‘I don’t think there is sense to be made.’
‘I think this is what we have to get through until it changes. And you know, the more people that are celebrating and giving him credit for the things he’s saying and doing, it’s just empowering him to continue to do more of that.’
Her husband, who was sworn in in January 2023, posted to X on July 10 that ‘ICE performs an important job for our country.’
‘Any calls to abolish ICE are 100 percent inappropriate and outrageous,’ the senator added.
Fetterman spoke with WHYY the next day.
The Fettermans also don’t reportedly agree on the war with Gaza, according to New York Magazine, with the senator showing steadfast support for Israel and his wife pointing to Palestinian children who’ve been killed in the fighting.
Gisele Fetterman (left) with husband, Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman (right), posing with Pittsburgh-themed T-shirts at their home in Braddock. It’s a converted auto garage that the couple used to host events when John Fetterman was serving as the town’s mayor
In the book Fetterman describes growing up undocumented – learning that she needed to not draw too much attention to herself – living in constant fear of deportation.
‘I knew I couldn’t have all the experiences my friends had,’ she wrote.
She feared the police, skipped out on a friend’s invitation to go on a ski trip to Canada, knowing she didn’t have the right documentation, and when graduating high school, wasn’t sure if she could even apply for college.
The book also detailed the racial stereotypes that followed her even after she became a green card holder in 2004 and a U.S. citizen in 2009, prior to her meeting her husband.
One incident, that happened in 2015, was still fresh in her mind.
She and her husband, then the mayor of Braddock, Pennsylvania, were hosting a book party for two local authors at their home – a converted car dealership that overlooks the Edgar Thomson Steel Works.
Fetterman spent the morning cleaning the space and even hired a catering company to serve the guests.
‘Slowly, our living room filled with people and the buzz of conversation, as a couple of servers circulated with appetizers and drinks,’ she recounted.
Fetterman, who was acclimating to being a political spouse, wrote that she wanted a moment to herself before the main event.
‘Shortly before the reading was set to begin, I slipped past the caterers and into my pantry to hide for a little bit,’ she recounted. ‘I poured myself a glass of wine and checked my phone before walking back out into the kitchen.’
Then Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. John Fetterman (left) and Gisele Fetterman (right) depart their polling location near their home in Braddock, Pennsylvania on Election Day in 2022, with John going on to win his U.S. Senate seat
Gisele Fetterman in her home in Braddock, Pennsylvania with the couple’s two rescue dogs. In the book she recalled hosting an event at her home in 2015, when an attendee – seeing her drinking a glass of wine in the pantry – thought she was a cater waiter drinking on the job
As she was about to reenter the party she felt a tap on her shoulder.
‘I turned to see an older, immaculately dressed woman with short hair. She leaned in and, lowering her voice, said, “I just want you to know that I saw what you did, and I’m going to tell Mr. Fetterman,”‘ the woman told her.
Fetterman wrote that she was ‘briefly confused’ about the encounter in her home until it ‘hit’ her.
‘She thought I was part of the catering staff, and she believed she’d caught me drinking on the job.’
She added that she was ‘not sure why’ as she was wearing a cocktail dress, not the uniform of a waiter, and she was ‘navigating the space with the comfort of a woman in her own home.’
‘Yet for some reason, she looks at me and assumed that, not only was I not a guest at the event, but that I was part of the support staff,’ Fetterman recalled.
In the past, she continued, she would have ‘frozen, remained silent, or started to cry’ in this kind ‘uncomfortable’ situation, but the then 33-year-old said the woman caught her during a moment of personal growth.
‘Every time something like this happened and I was forced to explain myself, I felt like I was giving up a little bit of my power. I was left having to deal with both my own pain as well as their shame for misunderstanding. It was frustrating. It was exhausting,’ she wrote. ‘Eventually, I realized it wasn’t my job to teach anyone or guide them toward understanding me or my family.’
She said she didn’t owe anything to people who were ‘operating based on personal biases and stereotypes.’
Fetterman also said it wasn’t her personality to react with ‘snark or a clapback.’
Gisele Fetterman (center right) with her three children (from left) Grace, August and Karl at their Braddock, Pennsylvania home, which overlooks the Edgar Thomson Steel Works, just outside of Pittsburgh
‘So rather than tell her who I was or that she was a guest in my house, I looked at her and said, “Please don’t tell Mayor Fetterman. I don’t want to get fired!”‘ she recalled. ‘Then I smiled and walked away.’
Moments later, the program began, and Fetterman was introduced as the mayor’s wife.
The woman who made to comment to her was right up front.
‘We locked eyes, and I saw her face crumple as she recognized me; she was visibly horrified by her mistake,’ Fetterman recalled.
‘Later, she came up to me. “I really debated leaving,” she said. “But Pittsburgh is so small. I know I will see you again.” She apologized to me, and I thanked her,’ she wrote. ‘Before we said our goodbyes, we shared a toast, and she said, “I’ll never make a mistake like that again.”
She wrote in the book that it was important that ‘people leave every exchange with me with their dignity intact.’
‘It was enough for me to simply know that I had neither shamed her nor taken on the labor of educating her,’ she recalled.
The book details a second, similar incident when Fetterman was taking her three children to a public pool.
Sen. John Fetterman (left) gives a double thumbs up alongside Gisele Fetterman (right) as they attend the White House Correspondents’ Dinner at the Washington Hilton in April 2024. Fetterman’s new book talks about her ascendance as a political wife
Gisele Fetterman striking a yoga pose alongside the couple’s two rescue dogs. In her new book she writes candidly about being Brazilian-American and how she’s been dealt with negative stereotypes about immigrants
A woman seated next to her heard Fetterman speaking to her kids in her native Brazilian Portuguese while lathering them up with sunscreen for swim time.
‘The woman turned over with interest and commented that she had tried and failed to find a babysitter who spoke a different language,’ she recalled. ‘”That family is so lucky to have you,” she said, assuming I was my kids’ paid rather than unpaid caretaker.’
Fetterman wrote that she responded ‘cheerfully.’
‘I hope they keep me around!’ she said.
Within moments, one of her children called her ‘mom.’
‘When the woman realized her mistake, she said, “I don’t know why I assumed that,” she wrote. ‘Again, she was left to handle that question on her own.’
In the book, Fetterman also detailed a scary, racist moment that occurred while she was shopping at the supermarket chain Aldi’s amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
‘There are moments, of course, that do not allow for grace or humor,’ she noted.
Sen.John Fetterman (left) and his wife Gisele Fetterman (right) snap a selfie with Democratic nominee, Vice President Kamala Harris (center) at a campaign rally in Johnstown, Pennsylvania in September 2024
Gisele Fetterman walks onstage at a rally in support of her husband, then Lt. Gov. John Fetterman, in October 2022. In her book she recounted a scary moment during the pandemic while shopping for groceries at Aldi’s
She said that Aldi’s, which originated in Germany, was one of her places to people-watch and she had gone shopping that day to pick up some golden kiwis while the fruit was on sale.
While she was waiting in line, she heard and saw a commotion with her peripheral vision.
‘A visibly agitated woman was yelling obscenities, and at first, I thought, How sad, what the pandemic is doing to us. It took me a second to register what she was saying and another to realize that her comments were directed at me,’ she said.
‘She was calling me a thief and telling me I “don’t belong in this country.” She said I had “ruined John’s bloodline,”‘ referencing the now-senator. ‘I was frozen, in shock. The hate and darkness in her face was, frankly, terrifying.’
She didn’t confront the woman, instead paying for her groceries and leaving Aldi’s, but the hateful moment didn’t end there.
‘She followed me out to the parking lot and started yelling racial slurs at me outside my car,’ Fetterman recounted. ‘had never met this woman before. She was a stranger who, for some reason, felt disgust and hatred toward me. I could see it in her eyes.’
‘In that moment, I didn’t have the energy to think of something witty to say, nor do I think she deserved any response,’ she continued. ‘I was shaken and in shock an sat sobbing and sat sobbing in my car for a long time. I reverted to my childhood self, once again that undocumented little girl who feared being deported.’
Fetterman wrote that it took her months to return to Aldi’s following the incident.
‘I was heartbroken and my sense of safety had been shattered,’ she said.
In turn, the company reached out to her, to say the woman had been banished from all of its stores.
Radical Tenderness: The Value of Vulnerability in an Often Unkind World was released last week.
